A Man Is Caught Pleasuring Himself on His Walk to Arby's
I mean, I get really excited about eating a Beef 'n Cheddar and some curly fries too . . . but show at least a LITTLE restraint.
The cops in Lincoln, Nebraska got a call around 8:00 P.M. on Saturday about a 38-year-old guy named David Hefner who was walking toward an Arby's . . . and pleasuring himself along the way.
The cops found him inside the Arby's and arrested him for public indecency.
And he wasn't the only person in Lincoln who went into a fast food joint recently with a throbbing weapon in his pants. Ahem.
A 22-year-old guy named Kelly Savage from Lincoln went into a McDonald's on Monday night carrying an 18-inch MACHETE . . . which he hid in his pants when someone called the cops.
And when they got there, his excuse was . . . he got a new job as a LUMBERJACK.
It's not clear if that was true or not . . . but either way, he was arrested on weapons charges.
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A Woman Is Caught Setting Her Neighbor's House on Fire . . . by Her Own Security Cameras
There's a woman in Oklahoma who didn't just get caught on camera committing a serious crime . . . she got caught on her OWN camera.
59-year-old Annie Durham of Del City, Oklahoma has been in a feud with her next-door neighbor for several years now. She says they've had, quote, "drug addicts living there, running in and out."
So last week, apparently Annie took it upon herself to solve the problem . . . she BURNED the house down.
She took a rag, wrapped it around a stick, set it on fire with lighter fluid, and threw it into the house. Firefighters were able to put it out, but the home was pretty gutted.
Well . . . Annie had security cameras running. And when the cops asked to look at them, she said okay . . . and they could see HER on her own cameras setting the fire.
She was just arrested for second-degree arson.
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Police in Florida have dropped felony charges against a prostitute who stole four watches from a guy by hiding them in her lady parts in January. There's no word why the charges were dropped.
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A Guy Fed Meth to His "Attack Squirrel" to Keep It Aggressive
I'm not sure if I were a drug dealer I'd chose THIS pet to guard my supply.
There's a 35-year-old guy named Mickey Paulk in Ardmore, Alabama, and he lives with a 37-year-old guy named Ronnie Reynolds. And on Monday morning, the cops got a warrant to search their apartment for drugs.
And they definitely found what they were looking for. The guys had meth, drug paraphernalia, ammunition, and body armor. But the strangest thing they found was . . . Mickey's ATTACK SQUIRREL.
Yes, he had a pet squirrel . . . and apparently, he regularly gave the squirrel METH to keep it aggressive.
It's illegal to have a pet squirrel, although that's probably the least severe charge these guys are dealing with. They're facing a ton of charges for drug possession, drug paraphernalia possession, and weapons possession.
As for the squirrel, the Alabama Game and Fish Division told the deputies to release it into the wild . . . where I guess it'll deal with getting over its meth addiction on its own.
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A guy in England who robbed a bank by pretending a BANANA was a gun was just sentenced to 14 months in prison.
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