A 33-year-old woman in Seattle was HAMMERED last week . . . wandered onto a family's lawn . . . hiked up her dress . . . and started getting-it-on with their LAWN CHAIRS. We're not sure how that works, but she was arrested for indecent exposure.
A guy in Lebanon tried to have sex with a donkey last week . . . but the donkey kicked him in the face, then three times in the chest, and KILLED him.
The police found him pantsless with the donkey still tied to his car.
Police in Germany got a call on Tuesday night from a woman who hadn't seen her 57-year-old neighbor in a few days, and newspapers were piling up outside his place. The cops broke the door down and found the guy had, quote, "an autoerotic accident." He was trapped in his kitchen in handcuffs and women's underwear. He's been hospitalized for dehydration.
He's still in the hospital, but isn't in critical condition.