WHAT EVEN IS THIS. I am dying.

A 58-year-old Florida woman, Maria Montenez-Colon, called 911 to complain that she wanted her Corvette back from her son. When a cop showed up at her house to explain that she had improperly used 911, she hit on him.

Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, "I haven't been penetrated in years," and "I am so horny."

The officer tried to steer the conversation back to the topic of the call, asking what he could do for her.

Montenez-Colon's response was "You can [expletive] me," according to the report.

And then it got worse.

Maria called 911 again an hour later, and the cop came back to her home -- with another officer, this time. When he told her that she had misused 911 again, she said "...how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?"

How else, indeed, Maria.


NBC-2.com WBBH News for Fort Myers, Cape Coral

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Mugshot: Charlotte County Police