Sorry, kid, you're going to have to take down that giraffe hoodie so I can get a good look at you before you get any of my candy.
Photo: Getty Images
Did you know there's a nationwide contest going to see who can be THE WORST this Halloween? Well, there is. We all thought the fat shaming lady handing out notes to the fat kids would be the big winner, but she was outdone by a charming guy who took to Craigslist to let us all know that only white kids under 12-years-old are allowed to trick-or-treat in his neighborhood.
We hate seeing kids older than twelve going house to house for free candy. Doing so is illegal and this year we will be calling the police on you bastards. Overage trick or treating is a Class 4 misdemeanor and carries a $250 fine. This will also go on your criminal record if you don’t have one already.
And then there was this part... even if you're not over 12, you still need to be white. One drop rule applies!
And you niglets, stay the hell out! We’re a white neighborhood and we don’t want you baboons here!! You little turds better think twice going into my neighborhood or you will be legally punished.
Oh yeah. Dude's a ray of sunshine.
What I Do, Job-wise: So. Much. Other than playing on-air every day (and on DO YOU HATE IT? Sunday nights), you might get an e-mail response from me if you write in asking to know the name of a song or whether we're looking for interns. I'm all over the place, like a ninja, but less stealthy.